Yesterday on Insta, I posed the question, “What would you ask for if you knew the answer was yes?” I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit because…hmm…I actually don’t know.

I’ve been trying to figure out what this means. The whole not knowing thing. Am I lost? Am I scared? Do I not want anything? Am I content? Fearless? Guys. I have no f*cking clue.

I went for a long run after work yesterday to clear my mind a bit. Three miles turned into five turned into seven turned into nearly ten. Pretty much the whole time I thought, “No, really…what would I ask for?”

Money? No. That’s silly. Money won’t buy me anything that is genuine. A yacht? That would be nice but nah. A life sans these cats that I live with? Mayyybe. A life without pain? A different life? No way. It’s that pain that molds me, grows me, makes me stronger. This is the life that got me to where I am today. Keeping it. To be faster, stronger, thinner, sexier? Eh. I am who I am. I’m cool with that. True love? This is going to sound so cheesy but I already have this from my friends and family. So then…

Ok, ok. I just came up with three things. I’m not completely satisfied with them. But here goes:

1) A person. I’d ask for a person. Someone I can go through the days with and share my fears, upsets and wins; a person who cares about those fears, upsets, and wins. Someone whom I can smile with and love to no end. Someone who stays.

2) A little house on the beach with a farm, surf boards, and the bare necessities. Maybe the cats. A super simple existence that is relaxed and full of fresh air and sunshine. And well, access to wi-fi might be a must.

3) I’d ask for more patience and more fearlessness. At the start of the new year I promised to remove the word “scared” from my vocabulary. I think I still say it almost every other day. Be bold, Fi.

4) Just thought of a fourth. I’d ask for the will to always hold my head up high, to always move forward with love, and to always say “yes.” This may not count, though. We know the answer to this one already.

I’m going to keep thinking about this. I feel stumped. There must be more, something else. A private jet? My own business? Ooh…now I get it. This is totally a question about dreaming big. Like really, really big. Ooohhhh…Ok, ok. I’ve got this.

Anyway, in the meantime…yes.