Since joining the single party — for the umpteeth time (no, really, it’s FINE) — I’ve been noticing that old school dating no longer exists. Like at all. From what I’m seeing, people don’t meet at bars or while volunteering or when hanging out in the park anymore. They go online. You guys, there are apps for dating. And it makes me feel like a complete and total grandma. “When I was your age…”

Tinder. Hinge. That one that you have to get approved for because it’s only for cool kids. This is literally what dating in the now–or 1995–looks like.  Phones. Apps. Full calendar of dates made with phones and apps.

Look, I’m ok with the online dating phenomena. I love phones and apps. I’d bet 86% of my friends have gone online and many of them have found their person this way. Yay online.

On the flip side, there are those couples who met before dating apps were sizzling hot who are still preaching, “No, no, no. You do you. If you don’t want to go online, it’s fine. We didn’t meet online. Look at us. It’s so easy. Just be open.” Right…Be open…(psst…nope)

During a good number of our sessions, my sweet therapist has been urging me to take back control of my life. Call the shots. Do things your way. Eat your eggs the way you want. Poached! Try Bumble. Who?

According to the Internet, Bumble is a dating app that makes it so only the woman can do the pouncing. If she swipes right (or is it left?) then she has 24 hours to ask him out. If she doesn’t jump on it…heh…he’s gone forever. Total. Control. If you like him, you say so. If you don’t, you don’t. Easy enough. Ugh.

Let me be frank and rewind a bit. I think the honest-to-goodness challenge for me is I haven’t been ready to take on a task like this. For example, I’ve had a number of exceptionally valid reasons:

• “I’m busy.” With all my plans (cough…cough..Dateline).
• “Traveling ALL the time.” This is true. I am.
• “SO busy.” Yep.
• “Still ‘consciously uncoupling’ in a legal kind of way.” Legit.
• “I don’t like men, actually.” What?  Fine, I do.
• “I prefer having the whole bed all to myself.” It’s so amazing.
• “I need to get new furniture.” I don’t know. The couch is old.
• The latest one: “I have cats.” Meow. And meow.

Last summer, I almost did it. I almost signed up. I was with friends at a bar being overserved an endless amount of rosé by Don, the most beautiful and kindest bartender in all the land. Sigh. He heard us talking about these apps and after his shift he came over to me and said, “Don’t go online yet. Let me take you out on a date first.” Swoooooon. Full disclosure: After our first date, he walked me home and asked, “Do you want me to come up?” My response was, “Um…well, I have cats. But they’re totally not mine.”

At some point…if I choose…it might be fun…when I’m ready…to…who knows…maybe try it out. My friends seem to be having a good time with it. The dates could make for good stories. And meeting new people is rarely a bad thing unless they’re like one of those creepy guys from Dateline who end up poisoning you with anti-freeze. Hey, I said, “When I’m ready.”

To clarify a bit further, I’m not saying I want to date or need to date or should date just because I’m single. Just thinking it might be nice to follow in Stella’s footsteps and get my groove back at some point. And if that urge ever comes, my extensive research has shown me that online might be the way to go. Right now, I’m at about 55% maybe, 35% nah, and whatever is left can go to yes. I know, I know. This doesn’t really go with my whole “yes” thing, does it? Like at all.

Let me get back to you on this…