I Wish He Could See

I wish he could see that I’m trying. That I have this new life over here and that I’m trying.

I wish he could see that I didn’t ask for any of this. This wasn’t my undoing. And that all I’ve done was what I could do, which was my best.

I wish he could see that I’m just a girl with feelings, with love, with pain. I wish he could see that I’m feeling all of it.

I wish he could see that I’ve been crying. I wish he could see how challenging it is for me to breathe.

I wish he could see how hard it’s become to be strong for myself and for my family. I wish he could see the honesty in my eyes when I say, “I can’t. Not anymore. I can’t.”

I wish he could see that I want all of this behind me, too. I wish he could see that we once had a friendship, and then a love, and that it doesn’t need to be like this.

I wish he could see that taking this further hurts me. Prolonging this makes me anxious. That the additional burdens make it hard to wake up each day. And that all I asked for was help and that now all I want is out.

I wish he could see that it’s my story, not his. It’s about me, not him. And that I have every right to tell it.

I wish he could see that things don’t need to come to this. I wish we could agree to disagree. Sign away what was and get on with our lives. Separately. Apart. Not together. Anymore.

I wish he could see that that’s all it needs to be and that’s all I really want.

I wish he could see that I’m stronger now. I’ve come a long way. And I can’t, I won’t, be controlled anymore.

Anyway, I wish he could see that.

One thought on “I Wish He Could See

  1. Fi, as heartbreaking as it is, your thoughts have brought some clarity to my thoughts……I missed her this morning when I woke up. We always spent Sunday mornings together, talking over brunch. I really miss her presence.

    Like

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