Nothing

The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind. – Caroline Myss

“Stop saying ‘yes,'” they say. “You need to move on,” he says. “Slow down,” she says. “Sleep more.” “If you don’t like it, then don’t work here,” she said. “I’m sorry you’re still dealing with that,” they said. “Did you pay that bill yet?” “Margs later?”

Yesterday, I did nothing.

I’ve been going and going and going while life has been throwing and throwing and throwing. Throwing these things that I feel like I can’t handle. These things that feel so heavy. These things that are making my head spin. These things that make it hard to think straight.

So yes, yesterday I said “yes” to nothing. I breathed. I read. I watched that one Netflix show everyone keeps talking about. I recharged while I chilled. I let the Instagram feed grow. I left errands for tomorrow. I ate the frozen pizza that I was saving for later. I let the guilt of doing nothing fade away as the hours passed.

No agenda. Just quiet. Just room. Just time. Just me. And it was one of the most challenging days I’ve had in a while.

The silence forced me to see that I was calling in the anxiety and fear I was feeling. I was creating this emotional whirlpool. I was the one who was feeding the monster. (Yes, the Netfilx show was Stranger Things, and yes, there are monsters involved.) The temptation to go online, run an errand, distract these thoughts was huge. But I pushed myself to stay right there. To learn.

I read a quote by Emily Maroutain this morning about how energy is the currency of the universe. How when you “pay” attention to something, you “buy” that experience. So when you allow your consciousness to focus on someone or something, you feed it your energy. You’re essentially buying an experience you may want or, unfortunately, may not want. Thus, the key is to be selective in your focus because your attention keeps this someone or something alive. Every now and again, it’s important to calm your mind, silence it, so you, yourself, can shift your thoughts in the right direction…maybe even away from the monster.

I get it. I one hundred percent get it.

Today, I feel my heart beating a little slower, my mind feels a little freer and my thoughts are a little clearer. Yet, I have more anxiety than normal and I know exactly why: It’s time to make a change.

So, cheers. Cheers to absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.

 

 

 

 

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