So Free

This past week, I closed a chapter in my life that I have been wanting to close for quite some time. No more back and forth. No more arguing. No more threats. No more anger. Ladies and gentleman, we have a signed divorce agreement in the house.

When I started the divorce process more than a year ago, I recall telling my lawyer, “Oh, no. It will be easy. Super quick. We both know what we want. We both agree. And neither of us will fight it.” Heh…heh…

News flash: Divorce brings out the worst in people. The worst. It will rarely be easy. And it will never be pleasant.

Makes sense, right? You’re dealing with this ominous court system, you’re shelling out thousands of dollars, you have lawyers…LAWYERS who speak for you, you have things that were once both of yours that are just staring at you, wondering where to go (cats included). You no longer have two incomes and now you have to pay the entire mortgage. Oh, and that “happily ever after” was nothing but a dream.

The night after we both signed the agreement, I realized just how much space this had taken up in my life. I think I might have actually slept on a cloud that night. My brain finally rested. I woke up feeling a thousand pounds lighter. I was no longer scared to check my e-mail. There was a little extra skip in my step. Skippity doo dah.

The thing is, he’s been in my life for more than 12 years. We’ve been dissolving the relationship for almost six. I loved. I tried. I cried. I finally walked away. And for all these years, I’ve just been figuring it out. This has been my normal.

So…now what?

Guess we’ll wait and see. But, for now, I can tell you four things are indisputable:

  1. So much of what we learn about love is taught by people who never loved us.
  2. This is a time for absolute celebration.
  3. There’s oodles and oodles more YES to be had.
  4. And, guys…I  AM FREE.

Oh, yes. So stinking free.

 

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